Today P told me she thinks the man I end up with has to be one who can engage in (I quote her) “combative debate” with me.
I can’t concur. Because strong words and a stronger stance are both marks of insecurity, at least when we’re talking about me. The more I fight to belabour my precious point to the very last breath, the more unsettled I actually am. I don’t mean to say that I would get all doormat-esque when I actually feel like I am with who I want to be with. It’s just that when I truly, truly trust a person with my life, there really is no need to have the last word and hold the concluding I-told-you-so smirk. To get all ‘combative’ is only a harkening to the defensive walls I’ve learnt to put up over the years, which I don’t regret – because they helped me survive my longest relationship without crumbling into malleable pieces, just how the person in question wanted me to. But I know that when I really settle down and take apart the defensive overdrive, there is no need for the last word. I wouldn’t need it.
At the end of the day, don’t we just want someone we can talk to?